Hooray for “The Good Enough Caregiver”.

Last week I ended by mentioning the “good enough caregiver”. It’s an idea or concept I discovered well into my caregiving days. In the beginning of my husband’s diagnosis of early-onset Alzheimer’s, I was determined and sure I could beat the whole thing, by being the perfect caregiver. I researched the illness, signed him up for clinical trials, accompanied him to myriad of doctors appointments, became active in The Alzheimer’s Association, and planned his days to keep him active and engaged. All this while working full-time. I think, unconsciously, my role model was Martha Stewart. If she could do it for the American Housewife, I could do it for The American Alzheimer Caregiver.

All was fine the first year or so but as the demands of the illness increased, I found I could no keep up being the perfect caregiver. Exhaustion had set in, resentment was beginning to start, and I was developing compassion fatigue. Something had to be done, so I gave up trying to do it all by myself, trying to be perfect, trying to think I could beat it, and changed my thinking and ways to good enough. By changing my standards to something much more realistic, I became the “good enough” caregiver and learned to relax, and go with the flow. While I can’t say I enjoyed the situation more, I certainly found it less stressful and had more of myself to give in a healthy way. If I had not changed, our story would have been different as I would have burned out, and not been able to see it to the end.